people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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