On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
