Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
