I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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