This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
