Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
