You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
