i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize