do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
