i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
