I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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