You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize