My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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