i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
