you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
