i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize