Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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