you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
