FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
