i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
