dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
