you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
