a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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