you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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