Ambien. No doubt about it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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