my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
