im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
be right there i have to get my cape
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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