theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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