I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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