You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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