I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
