This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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