You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
