Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
