I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
