frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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