I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
