I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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