OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
