my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
