This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
