youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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