god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
