It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
