i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
