I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
