I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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