I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
