WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
