Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
