guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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