I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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