hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
