There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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