Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can text with my tongue
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
