She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
