so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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