I CAN MOONWALK!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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