I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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