That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize