She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
