I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
