not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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