my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
