Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
