The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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