Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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