Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
