she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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