I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
