I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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