Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
