if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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