On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize