Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
