i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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