if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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