im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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