and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
