But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
