I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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