You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
