so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
