yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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