Umm I'm too high to move.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
