Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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