Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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