Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize