we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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