just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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