she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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