Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
