The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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