I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When are your genitals available?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
