It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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