Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
