I must be too annoying 4 u.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
