omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
