just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
