It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she told me i tasted like america
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
