I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Randomize
