Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
