im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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