Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
