I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
